my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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