I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
