when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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