Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i love accidental penises.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
