The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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