i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she woke up with a sticky ear
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
