i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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