dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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