Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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