Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
