I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
