I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
