I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
