That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
