it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
