Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We left an ass print on the piano.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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