Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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