i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
