I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
