What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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