dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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