dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
