plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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