Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
