I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
