Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
