oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is wine microwaveable?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You need Xanax blowdarts
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
