don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
