i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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