Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
