oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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