carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
