yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
