dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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