I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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