he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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