Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
