bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
