Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
