I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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