I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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