His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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