He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
