you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
