Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
