glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
