Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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