if you like me you must not know who I am
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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