maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
