Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
