based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
