Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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