The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
