Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
